Two Much Fun

At the new job, I'm running a basic beam mechanics test on an interesting material. Although analysis might be challenging, the tests themselves are very simple: apply load, measure deflection. The hard part is that the maximum load for the medium sized beam is 350 lbs, and 1800 lbs for the large beam. The lab is not really set up for this sort of test, so instead of a testing machine, we are using... free weights. That's 1800 lbs of free weights that need to be repetitively lifted, put on the beam, and removed. That's 1800 lbs of free weights that were purchased in increments of 50 and 100 by the previous testers who skedaddled for greener pastures right after the weights arrived. Let me say here that I have the muscle tone of SpongeBob.

So after much kvetching (polite, professional, and couched in the form of questions), I convinced someone to agree with me that a soft 35 yr old with no muscles isn't the best person to sling large weights around. This other professor found the perfect solution: twin weight lifters. No really, identical twins. Yes, I now have 2 21yr old weightlifters helping me with the tests. They wear uniforms and call me ma'am (and are a little short, a requirement for my standards of attractiveness), and it would be a highlight of my life if not for this:

"Doctor of Philosophy? Does that mean you'll be able to read our minds?"

Oh my little lads, you will be as safe with me as with your own grandmother. (Which they would have been anyway we know, but maybe not in my head. Just want to clarify that for the credulous. And the spouse.)