Bad Mommy

I've long suspected it, but now I know it is true: I am the type of woman that will laugh at the tears of a small child. Heartily. Then fuss him out so that he has something real to cry about.

Today's example was courtesy of the #1 son, who likes the computer way too much. He came home from school and parked himself at my desk, at the neighboring computer, and began to play his games. We've been fighting this battle for 4 months, where I try to kick him out nicely, while explaining that I have work to do and his games (and his commentary on the games) are very distracting. Today I just skipped that part and settled my mind to ignoring all noise to my right. He was able to play quietly and I was able to work, and all was well with the world. Then the nanny (who keeps #2 while I'm working, and gets #1 from school. Truly, she is the shizzle) reminded him to practice piano. Good work, nanny! I don't even mind the small niggle of shame that I didn't tell him this myself. I instantly backed her up, and encouraged him to go play. While holding my gaze intently, he slowly distorted his face and let his eyes fill with tears. I had a brief thought that perhaps he felt rejected, cast out from my shining presence, etc, but then he said, "But what about my cheetos??"

The cheetos that had been untouched next to him for an hour.

This is the point at which my small frond of maternal sensitivity curled up and died, because I told him in order:
1. You must be joking me.
2. Are you seriously crying over cheetos?
3. You better quit that baby stuff because you are way too old to cry just because you've been asked to practice.

At this point the tears were rolling, the hand has been flung across his face for greater effect, and I just laughed in his face. Then I kicked him out and told him to go practice. I don't know which was worse for him- being asked to practice, or being forced to practice without an audience. If a boy plays piano but no one listens, does it fulfill his deep need for drama and attention?

At no point was I able to summon even the smallest bit of tenderness for this transaction. I am pleased with myself however, for not dropping any words like milquetoast, drama queen, or weeping wendy. It might soon be time to introduce the word "putz" though. This might get him to the next level of drama, where he saves it for an identifiable return. I have fond memories of every relative I have addressing me as Putz. As I grew older, my family name changed for a while to Jaye "Don't Be Such a F-ing Putz" Falls, but now I am back to the assortment of loving insults that were bestowed upon me as a young lass. None of this ever hurt me, or distorted my character in any (horrible, paralyzing) way. Perhaps a gentle "doofus" added to the mix would also help dry his tears. I dunno- I don't want to be rude or anything, or scar him for life.