Soylent Green

So many of my stories seem to be really stupid. I don't know how this happens, since I think I'm reasonably intelligent, but I never have stories about spiritual enlightenment, or intellectual epiphanies, it's just daily irritations that don't seem to happen to other people with the same intensity. Maybe the enlightenment is right there, and I'm too busy being outraged to pick it up.

So much for contemplation, here is the tale of my disastrous lunch expedition, which really starts last night. My cousin, who is staying with us for the summer and going to camp, had to be there early this morning for the field trip. 0645 early, which is about 1 hour earlier than I ever manage to roll out of bed. I was whinging about this to the husband who gallantly stepped up and offered to take her to the rendezvous. (Sort of gallant that is. He actually said, "Let's be realistic, I'll just take her." I could have done it, and he robbed me of the chance to prove it.) So I woke up late (ie, the usual time), and was moving slow (about the usual pace) and had no time to make lunch (which is unusual, because I usually take leftovers, but we had none.) At lunch time I set out to forage for food using my best tools, wallet and car, since I wanted an Israeli pita sandwich and was far too lazy to walk all the way across campus and back. Walked all the way to the car only to realize I had forgotten the keys. Since the parking lot is in the opposite direction to the food, I had to walk all the way back toward the office, and just continued on to the engineering deli, which serves food that is as delicious as you might imagine it would be, in a clapped out, old engineering building. The guy in front of me is having some long discussion with the clerk and finally moved on so that I could order the taco salad, which is the only edible salad they sell. Despite the name, there are no tacos involved, just lettuce, salsa and cheese, with chili on top. Turns out the previous guy's problem was that the chili wasn't ready, so I compromised and asked for a side of mystery soup instead. So already in one lunch, I've downgraded twice. Then I signed the credit slip before realizing that I had been overcharged. The kid at the register had charged me an extra $0.70 for a different salad. I pointed this out, and the manager took over. She looked at the receipt, listened to my explanation, and offered me $0.34 refund.

"But the difference between $5.99 and $6.69 is..."

"What, you expected a dollar back? No, it's only a couple cents."

This is where my talent for the ridiculous came in. Instead of giving up and coming back to the grey cube to eat my undelicious salad, I tried to explain that she had calculated the difference between the taxed taco salad and the untaxed cobb salad, and that really, she should just give me my 70cents. At this point, there were 4 people lined up waiting to pay, but the 3 people behind the counter were all consumed with my refund, and refused to use the 2nd register to check anyone else out. While hungry hate rays of death were shooting out of the other customers eyes, and the 3 employees were giving me looks making it clear that they wished they had thought to spit in my food, the manager refunded the incorrect cost of the salad ($7.10 with tax) to my debit card, then charged me the correct price ($6.35 with tax), making me sign two more credit receipts in the process. Then she bid me adieu, still wondering why I made such a big deal over 34 cents. I'm torn between feeling stupid for signing in the first place for the wrong price, wasting time in the second place for the sake of a salad which isn't even going to be that great, or in the third place for not being able to figure out that the refund was supposed to be $0.75.

All in the time it would have taken to just walk out for the pita I really wanted. Ta-da!